Hello everyone, and welcome to the first interview of the Bootleg King For Another Day Tournament!

Greetings!
Before the tournament begins, we’d like to introduce ourselves in an opening interview!

My name is Nozomi Toujou, and I’m one of the two interviewers scheduled to host interviews for the site that you’re looking at right now: The TOJO!!

And I’m Gary the Gadget Guy, expert inventor and gadget enthusiast!
I was a contestant in the first Bootleg King For A Day Tournament, but I decided to retire and built ROBO-G.A.R.Y to compete for me instead, and am now acting as an interviewer!

Together, we’ll be holding one interview for each of our contestants, and documenting their various interactions on the island!

Speaking of the island, let’s talk about where we are!
We’re currently stationed at Studio BK, located on the calming cliffs of BK Island!

That’s right!
We’re holding our starting interviews in this half-studio, half-restaurant, but not all interactions will take place here!
We do have an entire space fleet as a contestant, after all.

When our contestants, or their many guests, aren’t taking part in any matches, they’re usually staying at the BK Hotel, or are at one of our various facilities around the island, such as our nearby GEICO store!

Pretty much all the main facilities on this island are paid for by our many food-related contestants and their home companies, or by our host: The Burger King!

Welcome to BK, how can I serve you today?

BK, what made you decide to sponsor and host this tournament?

The name, of course!
While now I do in fact now know that it is not “The Burger King For Another Day Tournament”, when I first heard of this tournament, that’s immediately what I thought it was called!
I thought that it would be a great business opportunity, and was able to host, due to convenient timing.
Sadly for me, I was told that I couldn’t change the name, and through experience I’ve learned that being the host is in fact a pretty boring job.
All you do is just sit around and watch the battles happen, and you can’t do anything about them!
...At least I get first-row seats, and can use the time I have here to hit up some business deals.

That’s a rather interesting origin story!
It’s a shame about what happened to those Trial Masters...

Oh!
For those who don’t know, prior to our tournaments collaboration with Burger King, our previous hosts were the Trial Masters, consisting of Mr. Bean and Phoenix Wright!
They used to be contestants, but were upgraded to hosts once Mr. Bean discovered that he had received an invite to The King For Another Day Tournament, which our tournament is based on, and decided that he wouldn’t have time to compete in both.
His lawyer, Phoenix Wright, who was originally hired to protect Mr. Bean against lawsuits filed against him because of the Bean Leak, also left with him to Studio Gunner.

Unfortunately, Mr. Bean suffered a serious injury while at the studio, and was unable to return.
Phoenix also dropped out from being a host alongside him, so we looked for a new host!

When I joined, I remember hearing about some other contestants that had to leave for other reasons, too.

That’s right!
There were the letters B, E, and H, who dropped out of the tournament for some reason, and are still hanging around the island somewhere, the Ocean Dwellers, who seem to have left to sail the high seas for treasure instead of competing, and the Grocery Store, who got into a fatal accident with Tony and had to have him take their place.

Anyhow, we’re getting off track.
Let’s talk about some more of the staff over here at BK Island!
First off, we hav-

weh

Oh, there he is!
This is Weh Cat, our security!

weh

Weh Cat’s here to help keep the island secure, and to also prevent other people from entering the interview room while we're in the middle of an interview!

Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to be that good at preventing the latter.
...or more likely, just doesn’t really care.

weh

Hey, Weh Cat!
Would you like to order some Burger King?
We have a 2 for 1 special going on right now, so what would you like to order?

weh (nugget)

Alright, that’ll be $5.99.

Anyway, that’s all from us!
We hope to see you here on the TOJO!! once our round one interviews begin!

weh

Welcome to the first BKFAD2 contestant interview!
I'm Nozomi Toujou...

...and I'm a slightly worried Gary.

Today, we're interviewing none other than the funkiest aliens from Funkotron, ToeJam and Earl!

That's us!

Yo!

So, let's start this off with an easy one.
Have you ever been to any other planet besides Funkotron?
And here, of course.

Actually, we've been to Earth in the past.
We crash landed here twice because Big Earl is mightily bad at cruising our ship.

Mightily good.

No, y-
...I'll be real Earl, you are closer to competence than soul is to disco, but you've gotta get with the practicing, big E!
Especially through the asteroid belts.
You get practicing, and you'll be smooth cruisin' in no time, buddy!

Smooth cruisin'.

And you've worked us into a nice place, now.
Thanks to my buddy here, we're cruising into your tournament to put ourselves on the map.

The star maps, dawg.

But you should never let Earl drive.

Always.

Always drive yourself and never hand the wheel over.

Hand the wheel over, yo!

Are you feeling lucky to be in main bracket?
You were almost in exhibition, but now you're up against my machine!

It's a great opportunity, and we're jammin' with this good luck we have.
We've shown our funk enough to get us into main bracket, now we just need to groove on past the competition!

Groove on past!

And we have it all planned how we're gonna do that!
While we don't have the big rigs from our crib, we've ordered some earth-speakers to crank our highly funky tunes.
Earl, you wanna bring it?

Yeah.

Those look heavy!
How did you wheel them in so fast?

Root beer.

Root beer.
Yeah.

How charming.

So Earl is gonna crank this today, and the audience won't be ready for our highly funkalicious tunes!
You ready to crank it, Earl?

Yeah.

...Could you wait until the match?
You want a surprise for the viewers, after all!

Good point.
We'll save this for later, Earl.

Now about your funky jams, have you taken any inspiration from Earth for your track listing?

You know it.
We've been here once before, so we've been all over this rock.
And we're jammin' to some funky tunes from every corner!

Yeah, jammin'.

We got it all up to date, check our stuff, yo!

But right here!
It says most of your tracks are from before the year 2000!

You know it, dawg.
Check it, 1998 and 1999.
We were taking off when those were dropping!

...It's 2021 now.

Well, we have brought our own stuff from the past few years.
We're back in the groove!

Back in the groove.

Do you think these funky tracks are enough to take on ROBO-G.A.R.Y.?

He is my robot.
I hope you're ready to face the power of a master engineer!

We have the highest respect for your work, G.
You're making the big rigs to put out some mad beats.

Respect, yo.

We've also got some engineering skill, but we're nothing on fully automated jammin' like ROBO-G.A.R.Y.!
But we're making up with raw funkiness, in the flesh!

In the flesh.

Well, thank you.
I've also been inspired by you, and decided to get G.A.R.Y. suitably prepared for this "funky" matchup!

You bringin' the funk?
How's it go?

Ah, you'll have to wait and see.

Funkotronic.

Let's wrap this up with a fun personal question!
Who's your favourite musical artist?
...From Earth, of course, so our viewers know what you're talking about.

I have to pick one?
But there's stacks of fat beats from lots of funkalicious artists!

The Notorious B.I.G.

He's definitely up there, he's the original G.
I'll bring some balance and say a more modern funkmeister, Snoop Dogg.

Is this the crib?
Bobobo's got a attitude on him, I just needed to park it here a second.
Say, roly-polying through the weeds outside is rough work, like-

See these ice creams?
Covered in dirt!
I was banging at the window for 5 minutes, too.
So, who's pouring the chandon?

We got it going on.

Rollie, could you please leave?
We are conducting a professional interview.

We'll gizzo in the shizzle later, dawg.

I knew that.
And who's the snail you're up against?
He's taken a bit of my bug source!
I don't like stealers, so I hope you two win this one!

...Perfect.

Who said anything about a sn-

I'll see you later, mites!

Later.

Well, I suppose that wraps up this interview!

...You were meant to emphasize the "raps".

It's fine as is.

Yeah, we gotta bounce.
We have the big men over for some funkadelic groovin' later.
Rollie already talked about that just now.
We'll have you two over, if you like.
I know I'd love to see G.A.R.Y. bringing some funk!

That would be delightful!
Should I bring beverages of any sort?

Root beer.

Root beer.

Hello everyone, and welcome to the second BKFAD2 interview!
Today we will be interviewing the mechanical menace himself, ROBO-G.A.R.Y!

Built by yours truly!

You're welcome!
Let’s start the interview.
ROBO-G.A.R.Y, what do you think of your opponents, ToeJam and Earl?

When I created ROBO-G.A.R.Y, I added tons of gadgets and other functions to him!

Wow!
How does ROBO-G.A.R.Y work?
Is it an AI, or is it piloted by someone...?

It is in fact piloted!

Maw.

My friend Gary the Snail here offered himself to be the pilot of ROBO-G.A.R.Y!
I thought they’d be a perfect fit, since their names are both Gary, and whatnot.
...he was also the only one who offered to pilot it.

So, Gary, how does it feel to pilot a mecha like ROBO-G.A.R.Y?

I imagine it must be.
So, do you think you have what it takes to win?

That's a lot of rips!
Could you show us how to make one?

I'll assist him with this, one second.

Wow, that's amazing!
Anything else you’d like to say?

And that wraps up the interview!
Join us tomorrow, when we interview Tennis Ball!

Yo Big Earl!
Look at the big metal dude.
Isn’t this our opponent?

Yeah.
How are ya, metal dude?

He seems a bit tired, wouldn't ya say?
I think he could use a little funk.
You ready, Big Earl?

Yeah, I'm ready, ToeJam.

T, O to the E, jammin on the beat and there Big Earl Make 'em stand on they feet.
Crash landing on this strange planet, tryna find the pieces, but this place is gigantic.

It didn't work!
I thought it would work for sure!

Maybe this'll, TJ.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up!
Wake up!
WAKE.
UP!!!

Maybe he just needs new batteries.

Yeah.

'Sup metal dude.
...How did you know my name?

Oh yeah, ToeJam was mentioning that earlier.
Well, you should probably head inside now that you've rebooted, metal dude.

Alright, ROBO-G.A.R.Y!
Oh hey look, there's ToeJam.

SOMEBODY’S TRYNA RUN ME OVER WITH A LAWN MOWER!
BIG EARL, RUN!

Actually, it’s a vacuum cleaner, not a lawn mower.
You should purchase one of our new Frosted Vacuums, they’re gr-r-r-r-r-r-reat!

Yo, you sellin’ any frosted hot dogs?

No, but I urge you to buy any of our other frosted produc-

I’m good.
-YO TJ LET ME AND ROBO-G.A.R.Y. CATCH UP WITH YOU!

...man, the technology in this planet is way past cool.
Don't you agree, Big Earl?

Yeah, like hot dogs.

I wouldn’t really say hot dogs are technology.
I meant the fact that we’re talking to a robot, but you do you, Big Earl.

I could really go for a hot dog, now that we’re talking about it.

Yeah.
Be sure to do your best, I wanna feel like I've earned this win.

Hold up, you've heard of Funkotron?
That's awesome, man!

You sure are thorough.
Speaking of being thorough, do you know where Big Earl wandered off to?

Yo ToeJam!
Did you know the Subway here sells hot dogs?
The nice sword guy gave me a discount if I bought 7!

Why do you need 7 hot dogs?

Why not?

...Well, see you in our battle, ROBO-G.A.R.Y.
I’m sure it’ll be a great one.

Ah.

Eyyo big Earl, we missed some people!

How long have you been up?

I get up 4 A.M. sharp every morning.
It's good practice to keep a rigid routine, and 4 A.M. is the perfect time of day to wake up, as it's when nature wakes up.

You've been sat here for 7 hours?

Well no.
Not quite.
Y'see, I've had a bit of jet lag, and the party last night really threw me off.
I'd been awake for over 40 hours by that point, so I slept like a rock.

You didn't think to get Gary up?

He probably needed the sleep.
He's a busy man.

Hey Gary, get up dawg.

Ugh... what time is it?

It's half past 11, I think.
These Earth clocks are way funky though, I'm really having a hard time reading them.

Where am I, what happened?

Yo, you got funky last night is what happened!
You was hittin' it with the funky groove, real smooth.

Ah, the party.

Yeah, you were a legend bringing the squash, but you hit the dank and we were on the craziest ride.

You were saying that the Nintendo DS felt like an extension of yourself.

Oh, that was a load of nonsense!
Although I do remember thinking that it looked at me as equals to it...

Don't say it like that.
It's a good experience to get past ya.
Like, it's inspirational, yo.
Yo, do you remember what Peter was on though?
He was beyond us, next level kinda blazing!
He was on about the musical subtlety of God Only Knows and how the conscious mind is subject to...
...well I can't remember.
It was some funky vibes though.

I remember him taking over the DJ to play Bad Guy.

He was crackajack at it.

And Plok was stylin' too!
He was straight cruisin' during Akrillic, some funkadelic moves there.

Are they still here?

No, they left hours ago.
A.O. woke everyone up real early and we cooked them all a highly fresh breakfast.
We still have some left over, if you'd like.

...No tha-
...Wait, it's half eleven!
I'm going to be late for the interview!

Ah, maybe I should've gotten him up earlier.
Well, I guess I can stick around for a bit, ey?

Isn't your match today?

Ah, piss!

No breakfast, then?

They've got the interview today.
...I could go for another dog, big Earl.

Another dog, right on!

Say, Earl...

Yeah TJ?

Well, let's say ROBO-G.A.R.Y. is a mech and not an AI for now, okay?

Ok.

Why did we need to change the batteries?
The pilot could've gotten some.

...

Exactly.
And why was it speaking so flat to us?

Flat?

It felt like he wasn't cool with us, ya dig?

Slow thinking.

...

I like him.

Oh Earl, I wasn't saying anything like that.
I wanna warm up to him a bit more.
Last night, he didn't feel like he was jammin' to his own stuff even!
Imagine piloting a robot penguin and not trying a few highly funkalicious manoeuvres!
I want big G.A.R.Y. to get funky with it, and...
I want Rollie to be groovin' with him too.

Rollie, yeah...

Rollie wasn't jammin' to generic whales mashup 2 at all.
At least he was alright with Gary...
...I mean the other Gary.

The gadget guy?

Yeah.

He was groovin'.

I never knew he could pull off fresh moves like that!
And Banana Brian was infectiously funkadelic!

What was that song he put on?

It was jammin' in a bad way, man.
No groove, all move.

Nigward too?

Yeah, there's something up with those fellas.
They both put that song on, and was talking all night.

They're both veterans.

They must've met each other fighting last time around, then.
I know Neil joined in talkin' somethin' real.

We wuz blazin' it, yeah.

Oh n-

Welcome to BK, how can I serve you today?

Don’t worry, I bought this machine off Four.
I knew this would be a great investment.

Oh, I didn’t expect any recovery centers to be here.
That’s reassuring.
How did you manage to bargain with Four, anyway?

I held X ransom.

oh.

Anyways, aren’t you supposed to be a stand?
How are you still here if Tennis Ball died?

Oh yeah, I forgot.

I’m just going to pretend that never happened.

-oooooooooooooooh hey, I’m alive.

The interview's that way.

Thank you for reviving me Mr. Burger King, that was very kind of you.

Yeah, whatever.

Oh, hi!
You got here just in time for your interview, TB.

What the...
Why would you do that?

What?
I was just eating french fries, what do you mean?

I know the issue, Nozomi.
French Fries was a contestant in BFDI!

Oh.
The french fries I was eating weren’t the same fries, TB.

Oh.
Ok.
Start the interview now please.

Alright.
What made you want to join the tournament in the first place?

People wouldn’t stop pestering me to join for some reason!
It gave me no choice, I just had to join!
I have prior experience anyway, since it’s competing for an island and all.

Yes, yes, very interesting, TB.
May I ask, why did Ice Cube come with you?

She’s my stand, obviously, and I don’t get to choose my stand.
If I could choose who my stand was I’d totally choose GB though.
GB is cool.

Hmm, you’re certain?
From asking around, I know that everyone on the island is able to see Ice Cube just fine.
The little knowledge I have of how stands work makes me think you’ve been lied to, TB.

What!?
Why would Icy lie to me?
Plus, she’s totally floating, see?

Hmm, be still for a second.
I’m going to try something.

Aha, so you aren't a stand.
Why would you lie about that?
Also how did you manage to float, that's amazing and I'd like to pull that off myself.

I heard TB got invited here and I just wanted to win something.
I asked Golf Ball to help me pretend to be a stand, so I could come with TB without actually receiving an invitation.
GB made me this cool machine to let me float above TB.

Icy, you could’ve just asked.
I would’ve let you come with me.

Well that would’ve been nice to know before I committed to being a stand!

Either way, this is way more fun now.
Never being able to talk to you while you were pretending to be a stand was BORING.

Yeah, we can talk more...
...after you help me off my head, please.

Oh right.

Well, that sure is interesting.
On another note, how do you two think you’ll do against Crocodile Connoisseurs?

I will defeat them for sure.
I've got my trusty magnet!
I heard the mean crocodile has a big metal cannon, so it’s a good thing I have my magnet!

I wish you luck with your demagnetization.
Actually, I have a gift for you!
It’s a new and improved mega-magnet!

Oh boy, now I’ll be able to take his cannon even easier!
Thank you Mr. Gary!

Wow, that seems like a real heavy-duty magnet.
You better be careful with that thing...
Say, how different is this tournament from BFDI?
I’d imagine the people you see around here are far different.

I think the competition is a lot scarier than in BFDI.
I tried finding any other objects besides me and Ice Cube around and I only found a lemon and a loaf of bread.
The lemon said a bunch of mean words to me and the bread is very menacing and scary...

There was also that one guy who was looking for someone named flag!
Flag sounds like they would be fun.

You’re right, they do sound fun!
Maybe we can find them and be friends!

Speaking of objects, do you miss anything from back at BFDI?

I miss Golf Ball, she was my bestest friend.
Maybe I could ask that golfing lady if I could borrow one of her golf balls.

No one wants to form alliances here.
Everyone just sticks to themselves!
Why does no one want to make alliances!

But Icy, you are part of a group.
You’re my partner.

I guess that’s true.

Well, I think that about wraps things up, good luck to you both.
Remember to use your new magnet wisely, TB.

Don’t worry about it, Mr. Gary.
I will.

Crikey, where could those interviewers be?
It’s been a good while since we’ve came out here and I’m starting to think bringing a cranky croc out in the open with me was an ill advised decision.

I do have ears, you know?

Right you do, I’m sorry, you beautiful croc.

Don’t you try to flatter me.

They’ve arrived.

‘Ey Irwin!
Crikey, you look even better in person, mate.

Is this supposed to be some form of imitation?

I’ve been trying to work on my Australian accent, and it hasn’t worked out very well, I see.
Regardless, nice to meet you!

Yes, nice to meet you both.
If you don’t mind me starting questions, how did you two meet?
I imagine something interesting must’ve happened for you two to cross paths.

I had heard DK left Kongo Bongo to become king for a day, what an air-headed fool.
He was already being handed king of Kongo Bongo on a silver platter.
Anyways.
I was tired of dealing with the other incompetent imbeciles back home, so I set off on my own endeavors!
Unfortunately for me, my ship could not withstand the tides of the ocean and I got washed away to shore not long after.
Once I was on shore, I encountered DK once again!
The stupid simian knocked me out cold and next thing I knew I woke up in the Australia Zoo.

Yeah, I saw this bloke passed out on the shoreline during a vacation of mine.
Looked nothing like any animal I’d ever seen before, completely foreign to me.
I decided to bring him back to the zoo, since I’d wager that’s preferable to leaving him knocked out on the shoreline.

On a related note, I know you’ve worked in wildlife conservation for a long time.
Do you still plan on working on wildlife conservation during the tournament?

It’s been a little rough, I’ve not been able to help as much as I used to, but I still help out as much as I can.
I’ve been helping sea life along the shoreline of the beaches a fair amount, while my good croc buddy over here scours through coconut trees for some reason.
I think he said something about a crystal coconut, and crikey, does that sound cool.

YOU NUMBSKULL!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GIVING AWAY MY SCHEMES LIKE THAT!
ARE YOU TRYING TO FOIL ME!?

No, not at all, calm down there fella.
We gotta work on your temper there, big guy.

Apologies, that was most crude of me.

A crystal coconut?
That sounds like a technological breakthrough!
...though if you’d rather not talk about it, I would rather not get on your bad side.

What a smart penguin you are.

I don’t understand what you guys are talking about, but I’ll move on.
How far do you two expect to go in the tournament?

Well, we’re going for the crown, of course!
I couldn’t become the heir to the throne of Kongo Bongo, so I suppose this will have to suffice.

I don’t mind how far we go, as long as I get a good look at the fascinating specimen around this island.
Even now I’m having a conversation with a talking crocodile and a talking penguin.
I’ve heard our opponent in the first round is a sentient tennis ball, all of this just purely fascinating to me.

What do you mean you don’t care how far we go, you blundering buffoon?
You don’t care about going for the crown?
What’s the point then?

Well first off, still gotta work on your temper, mate.
Second, there’s so many fascinating creatures here.
All these specimens at my fingertips is an absolute dream for a conservationist like myself, win or lose.

I suppose so, but what fits my interests is the crown!
I’ll blow through any schmucks in our way to get it.

Steve, you mentioned being fascinated by Tennis Ball?
He is indeed your round one opponent, what do you think of him?

Crikey, I could just never imagine something like that being possible.
How does a sentient tennis ball even work?
That little fella is a true marvel of nature.

I personally am going to have a ball!
I plan on bringing my trusty blunderbuss with me and shooting that tennis ball far, far away.

A blunderbuss, eh?
You think I could fix that thing up for you?
I’m sure I could spruce it up with some parts I have lying around.

You know, maybe you aren’t half bad.

Well, that sounds dangerous for Tennis Ball.
Good thing the King installed that recovery center.

Oh, so he can recover scott free from harm?
Oh goodie, I’ll be sure to have extra fun with my blunderbuss.

You know, I think an angry croc with a cannon is still less dangerous than most people I’ve met.

Really now?
Well, I desperately need to up my game then.

Well…
you have fun, I guess.
Come on, Gary, we need to leave now.

Alright, goodbye you two!
I’ll come back to revamp your blunderbuss later!

Oh, do I look forward to that.

See you fellas around!

Well, you’re right on time!

Well, it’s important for a hero to be able to show up whenever they’re needed!

...What he said!

Well, I appreciate you not making us wait...
...or go looking for you.

So, you said we could invite any guests we wanted, right?

Yeah, did you have any in mind?

Yeah, I brought this transceiver so I could communicate with everyone back home!
Can you hear me, Bomberman Bros.?

Loud and clear!

Oh, hi, White!
And everyone!

You two are lucky, you get an exclusive interview with the one and only Black Bomber!

Heehee!
This tournament is so exciting!

Yes, but to be clear, there’s...
...no actual fighting in it, is there?
I can’t stand violence!

Let’s jus’ get this interview over with, I havn’t slept in...
...two hours...

Yeah!
The sooner we get this interview done, the sooner we all get that Burger King White promised us!

H-hey, wait, I didn’t-

Okay, I’m gonna stop you there for a second.
Seven?
You brought seven guests?!
Oh boy, this is gonna be hard to follow…

Yeah, I know I did say any guests you wanted, but this is ridiculous!

Hey, what’s wrong with us?!

Yeah, we’re the stars of the show!

Ah, look, I’m sorry guys.
They just really wanted to see some of the tournament with me, and I thought it’d be cool if I let them participate in this too.

Well...
...it’s alright.
As long as there isn’t any more of them, we can probably still...
...make do.

...

What’s up?
No, don’t tell me…

I’m sorry, I just really missed them, okay?

Heeeey everyone!

Oh wow, we’re really on!

Hardly any latency either, I’m proud.

Yay, we’re here.
Hey everyone.

Oh, I just know you two can do it!

Yeah!
You guys get out there and win this thing!
U-uh, heh, why are you hiding behind me, Artemis?

Ah, s-sorry!
I’m just-
...nervous, so many new people…

Alright.
Well, no problem!

Thanks, guys, all of you.

...

...

...This is gonna be a mess.

Wait...
...uh, you, th’ blue one.

Huh?

No, the...
...other one, sorry.

Meh.

Yes, what is up?

So, you made this call thing?

That is correct!

You’ve-

...You gotta tell me how it works.

Oh, you are interested?
I would love to!

There he goes again.
It’s kinda cute how passionate he is about this stuff!

That’s our Operon, alright.

Yeah, Blue’s actually really savvy with that stuff too!
I don’t often see him this motivated, though.
Or, really, motivated at all.

Heh, that’s pretty much Kronos.
We love him though.

Okay.

Well, hey, why don’t we do some ice-breakers together?
Y’know, get to know each other’s beautiful selves?

Yeah!
Breaking stuff!
Now we’re talkin’!

I’d love to!

...Okay, well, how about this.
You two can leave those transceivers over in the back room over there for a bit while all of them get acquainted, and we can have a bit more of a normal interview for a while.

Ah, okay!

Yeah, I think that’s alright!

So, the first thing I wanted to ask you about was how you two get along together, your opponents...
...certainly don’t have the kind of cooperation you two seem to.

Oh, since the first time I heard about Bomberman I’ve always looked up to him!
It’s really amazing how many adventures he’s gone on, and he’s saved the day every time!
I really only ever had my one moment, my main goal right now is to-

Blow up?

What, no!
I mean, uh, kinda, I guess, I meant to be more like Bomberman.

Hey, don’t discredit yourself!
That was still super brave of you given nothing like that had ever happened before, and you did it all alone!
I wouldn’t say you’re any less of a hero than I am.
And, honestly, I don’t know if you really want to have world-threatening guys just popping up all the time.

Aw, you’re too nice!

Plus, you seem to get along really well with all of your pals over there, too.
I have trouble keeping all of my Bomberman Bros. in check sometimes.

Well, they’re all really nice too!
Anyways, I just hope we can win you and I some more recognition, finally!

Okay, wow, yeah, I think these two would take a bullet for each other, honestly.

Like, from Cirno, maybe?

...Amazing segway.

Thank you!
...so, how do you two feel about your first round opponents?

They make me kinda uncomfortable, honestly.
I don’t know much about Cirno, but Inky is...
...weird, and the other one, brrrr.
I don’t like thinking about it.

Yeah, I don’t really like her either!
Turning cute mascots into...
...people like that, it’s just creepy!

...Yeah...

Yeah, FUCK those three!

W-WHAT WAS THAT, GREEN?!
You can’t just say stuff like that!

But this tournament isn’t E rated, right?

Well, yeah, but you’re still just a kid!
And how did you even overhear us?!

Not telling!

Okay, well, just one more question from the two of you, and it’s a highly requested one: Are you two space criminals?

Huh?

What, is that a joke?
Like, ‘cuz I’ve got bombs or something?
We aren’t, okay?

Yeah, we’re heroes!
We’d only ever fight evil, of course!

What he said.

Well, you’ve heard it here first, folks.
Apparently.
Well, that’s all we’ve got, thank you two for the interview!

Now you two can go back to talking with your brothers, or friends, or whatever?
I don’t really know.

We will, thank you!

Yeah.
Watch out, everyone, we’re gonna blow you all away!
...No?
Too cheesy?

I thought it was good!

Stupid robots...
Always ruining my life and taking my opportunities from me...

Wh-
What was that?

Are you serious?
Can I have a problem not caused by a robot for once in my life?

Well… I guess I should help at least.
I probably have more experience taking down robots than Godzilla.

ow.

Woo, go Spark, I am so awesome.

Psst.
Thank you.

Huh, who said that?

I was hiding because of that scary robot, ‘Zilla has some pretty scary enemies, huh?

I suppose he does, yeah.

Anyways, YO ‘ZILLA, LET’S GO HOME NOW.

Weirdos.

Ba Buh.
Ba Buh Basala.
Park good.

My life is a never-ending nightmare.

I’m sure this could somehow be a nice change of pace.
Eh, who am I kidding.

Wheeeeee!
Wheeeeeee!

How are you swinging with no legs?
That makes zero sense.

I defy the laws of nature!
I’m sure you’d know all about that, Mr. Life Sized Atom, AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Yeah, I guess you could say my handsomeness breaks all known laws of nature.

Yeah, that’s crazy.
BRIAN, HEY BRIAN.

What the fuck do you want.

KNIFE.

OH DEAR GOD, WHY MUST YOU BE LIKE THIS.

RAY, HEY RAY.

Yeah, what’s up.

Can you get me off this swing, please?

Yeah, sure.

FUCK YOU.

I’m going back to Chaze, you guys suck.

Nuh uh, we’re coming with you.
You have no choice anyway, what are you gonna do about it?
Reproduce asexually?
AHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

Fuck you.

I STILL HAVE A FUCKING KNIFE IN MY HEAD IF ANY OF YOU CARE.

Nah not really, you’ll get over it.
You always do.

Holy shit, it’s Ray William Johnson.

Buh buh buh, Basala Buh Buh, Forum.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA, this guy’s funny.
Can we keep him, please Ray, please.

Hey, Ray?

Yeah, what is it, Atom?

Can I punt your partner please?

You can try, but you don’t have legs.

Daaaaaaaaamn.
Ok.

You’d be impressed by what pure rage could do to someone.

I feel you.
One time I clicked on a video that said two turtles doin’ it and it WASN’T two turtles doin’ it.
I was so furious, man, that’s outrageous.

I am surrounded by morons.

What a hard day’s work.
I’m gonna enjoy this sandwich.

For the last time, nOOOOO.
Goddamn it, your speech is infectious.

B-Uh-Uh-Uh.

Finally, some peace and quiet.
That guy has been bugging me all day.

Hello, mate.
Would you mind making me a cheesesteak?

Yes actually, I do mind.

Hold on a minute, that was just a joke.

What the hell do you want from me, then?

I’d like to borrow your sword if that’s fine with you.

And you need that for what exactly?

Well, the world’s a dangerous place out there, innit?
That’s one of many reasons to get insured by Geico, but is also a reason to train yourself physically.
Who knows what kind of monsters could come after me when I’m not looking.
Like… a porcupine.
Or a duck-billed platypus.
Terrifying creatures.

Hmph.
Why can’t you go find something else to train with, it’s not like my sword is special or anything.
I just use it to prepare sandwiches.

It’s quite the large sword though.
Sharp as well.
I reckon that sword could slice a car clean in half.

Ha, how perceptive.

Indeed.
Now would you lend me your sword?
I’d rather start training with it sooner rather than later.

Sure, whatever.

Would you rather be compensated with cash or even greater deals with Geico’s services?

I’ll take that as neither then.
I wonder what’s gotten him so grumpy.

You won’t believe what I’ve found, little telly bloke.

Wooooah, Woa-

This might be a tad bit harder than expected.

This place really smells!
The deeper I go the worse and wor-
Huh, is this my flag?
No, it doesn’t feel like it, maybe you’re a dirty flea!

Hmm, you don’t like any old flea, but I still don’t trust you.

How did you make such a high quality image on a napkin like th-
Ah nevermind.
I shouldn’t be worried about fleas being in this place, it’s a ballpit, not the flea pit.

A FLEA!

wheeeee, that looked fun yellow guy.

Ladies and gents, *cough*, grab the nearest pool floaties you can find, because I nearly drowned in this ballpit!
On top of that *cough cough* I feel like I’m going to pass out.

Did you see any flags when you were down there, buddy, er, what’s your name again?

I’m Biff, and I’ll be your commentator today.
As a first, I’m here to talk to you about FLAGS!
If my recollection is correct, I saw a red flag near the bottom of this very ball pit.
I think it was a flag atleast, there a high chance I was just seeing red.
Remove your floaties, people, the ballpit flag hun-

thank u biff, very cool speech.

Oh no, I can’t swim.

it’s just a ballpit silly :pp i will help you anyway though bcuz im a good hedgehog.

i did it I brought you to safety wheee.
Say thank you Carl!

Thank you, Carl.

Ow!

Oh my god, look Sarah!
It’s Plok!

No way!
He’s so cool!

Hmm?
Who are you?
How do you know who I am?
Unless...
OH MY GOD QUEEN FLEA SENT FLEAS AFTER ME IN THE BURGER KING BALLPI-

What?
No we’re just fans of yours, Mr. Plok!
I’m Billy, and this is my sister, Sarah.
Our mom is in this tournament and we played your game with her during her preparation!

Yeah!
We played your game with her all the way through!
It was really hard!

Well that’s flattering, but have either of you seen any flags around here that could belong to me?
I’ve been looking for my flags down here.

WAIT, CAN WE LOOK FOR YOUR FLAG WITH YOU, MR. PLOK!
PRETTY PLEASE, THAT WOULD BE SO COOL!

Oh, of course you can!
I’d love some help in the search of my flags!

THANK YOU MR. PLOK!

Oh hey Biff, you finally came back.
Can you believe that they don’t sell sushi at this place?
It’s unbelievable.

Isn’t sushi illegal where you came from?
Why would you expect them to sell sushi at a burger restaurant?

There’s no ban on sushi here, is there?
I’d expected people to be rampant for sushi, y’know?

I guess it’s supply and demand.

Yeah, I guess so.

PLOK!
PLOK!
I FOUND A FLAG!
SEE, IT’S BIG AND RED AND HAS THE NUMBER ONE ON IT!

This isn’t my flag!
I’ve been diddled again!

aw man...

Don’t worry, we did our best!
My flag most probably isn’t in this ball pit!
Which is good, I don’t like this place, I’m never coming in here again.

Yeah, it is pretty sticky down here.
I’m much more used to open tennis arenas.

Me too.

Oh what a fab day it must be!

You still got it Peter, you are so gonna show them this time, you’re gonna take home the first-place prize.
Yeah, I can do this.

Hmmmm, saw your fat ass in line I did.
Ordering the turkey club, you were.
Hmmm, see you on the menu, I did not.

What the crap!?
...Oh, it’s just Yoda, from Star Wars.
That’s because I’m not on the menu Yoda, I’m married.
Ya know, “Family Guy” and all...
So, what do ya want you little green midget man.

What I want matters not.
Seemed down, you did.
Coming in to check on you, I am.

Oh, was it really that obvious?

It’s just, I don’t know if I want to be a “Family Guy” anymore.
Sure, it was fun at first, the ironic jokes, the remixes, the memes.
But I’ve come to realize, they’re not because people like me, they’re because people don’t like me, and think I’m fun to laugh at, not with...

Aware of this, I was not.
Still, better than people hating you outright, is it not?

No, heck no.
What’s better is people liking me outright.
Like they used to...
People used to think my show was unironically funny, that it was the crap, and now it’s just, crap.
Say, this reminds me of the time-

No, no more cutaway gags.
People don’t like those anymore, they think they’re...
...unfunny.
Heh, more like “unfunny moments”, am I right?

*sob* I don’t want this. *sob*

Stop crying, my friend.
Understand you, I do.
Similar thing, experienced I have.

Really?

Yes.
The prequel trilogy, hated it was.
Mock it, people did, until recently.
Now, enjoy it unironically, people do.
Make memes out of love, not hate, they do.
Always win in the end, the light side does.
Happen to you, the same will.
Sure of this, I am.

You really think so, Yoda?

Think so, I do not.
Know so, I do.
The tournament, no matter what happens in it.
Loyal and true fans, know that you have.
Happy to have you, they are.
Your family, goes double for them, this does.

You’re right Yoda.
I’m not just a family guy, I am THE Family Guy.
Who cares what the fans think of me and my show?
There will always be those who like me for who I am, and I will do my best in this tournament for their sake, epic style!
Thank you so much, Yoda!

Hmmm, indeed.
Now...
Take off your fucking pants, you must.

Huh?

Napkins, I will steal.
Be caught, I will not.
War banner, I will make.

Order for number 2!

Mmmmm, burger.

Stupid bloody competition, no time to find- my flag?!

Get back here with that flag, ya stickbug!

Mine this war banner is, mmmm.
Give it away, I will not.
Catch me, you cannot.

I’ve been diddled again!

Diddle you, I did not.
Diddle your mom, I did.

War banner, I must hide.
CBT Room, I will go.

Don’t you think you can get away from me that easy, I know you have my flag!

Commander, an intruder is on board!
We saw you enter your CBT Room, but we need your directions to deal with the threat!

CBT?
What kind of a sound chip is that?

Find out, you will.
Steal Yoda’s war banner, you will not.

I heard you ya raisin, get out here!
That’s my flag you got there!

Your flag, it is not.
Made of napkins, it is.
Belong to me, it does, mmm.

Give me back that flag- wait what do you mean napkins?

Closer look, you should take.
Made it, I did.
Power of the force, I used.

So you mean you used your magic space powers to tie together a bunch of napkins?

Mhm.

I-
You-

Out of this room, you will go.
Busy, I will be.

Well alright then, suppose I should get me some crisps at the BK.

Well ya could’ve been less of a prick about that!

Well, suppose he got what he deserved then.
Off for some crisps!

Hm, I’m starting to think this was a bad idea.

What do you mean by that?

Well, we kind of just went out to sea without a real destination or a map.

Yeah, I think I see what you mean.

At least X gave us back the propeller...

Hey, it can’t be all bad, right?
I’m sure we’ll be able to find a Dream Island eventually!

I dunno, it’s already been a few months since we set sail and we’re stuck in the middle of nowhere.
I doubt we’ll be able to find any kind of island at this rate...
Wait, what’s that over there?

See? I told you that we’ll find-

No time for gloating, we better hurry!
I’m turning on super-speed mode!

I get that you’re excited, but you still have to be more eco-friendlIIIIEEEEEEEEE-

Oh, hey guys!
What are you doing here?

Huh?
Tennis Ball, Ice Cube, when did you guys claim this island to yourselves?!

Actually, this is being used for a tournament.

Oh.

A tournament?
What about the other show with Two?

They're taking a bit of a break before they start the next episode, apparently.

That’s alarming.
So what kind of tournament is this?
What kind of prize does the winner get?
Is it too late for me to sign up?

Oh, we just got done with the qualifying round.
Also, the prize is just unlimited Burger King and control over a YouTube channel for a day.

Wow, that’s lame.

So what brings you here anyways?
Is this one of Four’s challenges?

Oh, about that!

...And that’s pretty much the gist of it.
Also, you never answered my question about what the tournament is about.

Right.
Basically, we had to make a list of song categories to use in arrangements or mashups, then people vote for who has the better list out of two opponents.

And how’s that going for you?

We lost the first round.

Ouch.
What kind of contestants are you guys up against, anyways?
Are they objects too or-

Would you shut the hell up, already?!
I’m trying to have my beauty nap!
And by that I mean masturbating to-

What the fuck, dude!
TMI!

WHO POSTED A PICTURE OF MY BEAUTIFUL FACE PHOTOSHOPPED ONTO A PRINGLES CAN?!

...Does that answer your question?

Pretty much.

We’re up against a robot penguin next.

Huh.
Well, it’s been fun catching up but we should probably get going!

Yep, still gotta look for an island to inhabit!
...Wait a second, the fuel tank is empty.

It’s because you turned on the super-speed mode.

I think there’s a shop on the island that might have gasoline.
Just look for a small house with a yellow roof on a bridge.

Got it!

Lamp oil, ropes, bombs!
You want it?

Probably not a good idea.

Fair point.

We’re actually looking for gasoline.

It’s yours, my friend.
As long as you have enough Rubies.

Ruby’s here too?

How much does it cost?

Ten Rubies.

Okay!
Here you go!

...Get out of my shop.

No good, huh?

Nope.

As soon as you guys left we saw a spare can of gasoline on the shore right over there.

So we didn’t have to go to that strange shop?

Yeah, sorry about that.

Alright, we’ll be on our way!
Good luck in the tournament!

Thanks!
Have a safe trip!

…And that should be finished.

Meow.

Well then, Gary, the mech’s updates are complete.
You’re free to go back inside of it now.

Meow meow.

OW!

I knew updating the mech with laser eyes was a bad idea.
Also get out of my room, Tennis Ball.

Hey don’t blame me, this was all Icey’s idea!

Was not!

Was too!

Was not!

You know what, I’m gonna go get lunch.
Hey Robo!

You can deal with these two.

BECAUSE WE BOTH WANT REVENGE ON THOSE STUPID CROCODILE GUYS FOR BEATING US!

I don’t want that very much actually they won fair and squa-

WE BOTH EQUALLY WANT REVENGE.

Well the plan is to wait until those no good crocodile crooks get to grand finals and then we can beat them there!
The only issue is getting there, so we were spying on you to beat you!

Uh... nope!
I totally checked the tournament rulebook and it’s totally allowed.

There’s a tournament rulebook?

Shut up, TB.

aaaaaAAAAAAAAAH HELP ME!

Nah, he’ll be fine.

Oh really?
Like what?

Thank you for bringing us back Mr. Robot Mecha Penguin Man.

How does that help you win the tournament, exactly.

So then why was it implemented?

...

Order 5 is up!

Yeah!

Thank you for your order, Spot, and have a nice day.

OK!

Man, that was a great sandwich...
Oh, hi Spot!
Getting lunch?

Yeah!

So, planning to do anything after this?

Ah, I think I know what you mean...

Welp, I’d say thats a wrap for today, now I can finally go work on our next collabora-

Oh, can I help you with something?

Yeah!-

-Uh, no offense, but I think I should handle the speaking, Spot.

OK!

Thanks, buddy!
Good evening sir, we are here to present a business opportunity to you!

...and what are you proposing?

“What,” you ask?
Well, we're offering an expansion to that soda fountain over there.
The two of us will give you a selection of PepsiCo drinks you can add, and all you gotta give us back are a handful of extra vot-

No.

Oh.
-We also take money, y’know!

Look, I’d love to help, but I gotta figure out this other collaboration that’s happening soon.

Oh?

Yeah, I can already see the advert, an image of a starry night, the camera starts moving down, a white light fills the screen, the tournament’s logo appears, and then...
The big reveal...
BKFAD... X... Subway...

Well, that sounds interesting, I suppose.

Yeah, the negotiation is almost over, so I hope you understand me having to leave!

OK!

Well, it was a pleasure talking to you two.
Maybe we can discuss this later!

Sure thing!
Good luck!

Welp, better luck next time, I suppose.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

...wait isnt subway cloud already in the tournamen-

What a fantastic view!
I know they say heroes never rest, but sometimes, a hero needs a break.
Enjoying this beautiful view, all to myself, it’s just what I needed after that match.
Ahhh, so relaxing...

*ahem*
...On days like this...
...kids like you...
...should be burning in he-

WAKKA WAKKA!

ACK!
I WASN’T DOING ANYTHING!

Haha, hey Bomber!

Jeez, you scared me there!
Oh, it’s uh, you.
…Uh, hi, I guess.

Long time no see, huh?

Our match wasn’t too long ago actually.
In fact, I don’t think we’ve really talked at all since I came here.
Er, I’d kind of prefer it that way, if I’m being honest.
No offense, but you kinda scare me…

You...
...don’t remember me?

What are you, actually?
Some form of cosplayer, or maybe some type of clone made by Namco bigwigs?

It’s ME!
ME!!!!

That doesn’t really tell me much...

WAKKA WAKKA!

Uh...

See!?

Impressive!

Now you get it, Bomber!

To think that an imitation can pull that off!
Pretty cool!
Er, please don’t call me Bomber, though, that’s a nickname reserved for very close friends, like-

Pac-Man?!
The MotherPucker!
It’s me!

Sorry, but I’m not convinced.
I think I’ll be going now-

June 23rd! 2010!
We had fun swapping places for a day!
After that, you said I couldn’t eat a whole power bomb, and I DID!
You said we’d be friends forever!

Wha-!?
How could you know that?
That day should have been brushed under the rug years ago...
If it’s really you, then you’d probably still have-

It’s the first pellet I didn’t immediately eat…

It really is you!

But, what happened!?
You look, er, different!
No, that’s an understatement, it’s like you’re a different person!

Well, I’m not!
Hmph!

Heh, I can see that now.
You’re the same hungry ball of energy I met 11 years ago!

Hehe...
...and you’re the same bombastic goofball that could never beat me in a race, haha!

Oh, you’re on!
I’ll show you how bombastic I can be!
First one to the lighthouse is a rotten-

Actually, can we just race to the nearest restaurant?
I haven’t eaten my recommended amount of Chicken Fries yet.

Uh, sure!
(Your diet is definitely still as weird as ever…)
You’re on!

That went remarkably well.

I still don’t get it...
What was the point of telling Paccy where Bomb Guy goes off to in his free time?
When you told me to scout out the area from above, I thought it was to figure out our enemy’s weak points, not befriend them!

You just don’t see the bigger picture.
Paccy was looking a bit worried about her next matches, so I figured meeting an old friend is just what she needed to gain back her enthusiasm.
Now she’ll be in tip-top shape to battle anyone that comes our way.

Oh... oh!
Yeah!
Ha, I knew that!
What a genius plan!
We’re geniuses!
Nothing can beat us now!
Ahahahaha!

Plus, isn’t it just nice to see her smile like that?

Haha, yeah!
I can’t argue there...
...wait a sec, do you think her uh, “chan thingy” might affect that bomb guy?

You know what they say.
Sacrifices must be made...

You're scary...

Just kidding~.
I’m sure it’ll be fine~.

Y-yeah...
I’m sure it’ll be fine!

Hiyo!
I’m in the middle of eating this really fancy looking set of keys right now so make this quick!

It happened, Pac-chan.

Huh?
I don’t recognize your voice, is this a prank call?

It’s Bomberman, I mean, I guess it’s Bombergirl now.

Oh!
Oh... I’m sorry.

Please change me back, Ananke won’t stop bugging me about it!
He said “Great, now both of us are gonna be mistaken for girls.”
There’s gotta be some way to change back!

There is!
You’ll change back as soon as this stops making your parent company money!
Gotta go now, bye!

...oh.

Thank goodness Hudson Soft went bankrupt.

Wahahoo!

Woah, are you okay?
You crashed hard!

Yeah!

Wait, yeah you crashed hard, or yeah you’re okay?

OK!

Alright then.

Don’t mind my friend here, he doesn’t have the most fleshed out vocabulary.

Bomber, did you hear that?
Show yourself!

Calm down there, I am as present as I can be.

Well, uh, disembodied voice coming from around where Cool Spot is, what’s your name?

I’m that guy from the 7up commercials.
It’s the Un-Cola, you know!
You should try some.

Heheh, we’ll pass for now-

Oh, sure!

Wow, this is great!

Yeah!

Erm, pardon me, can you excuse us for a moment?

OK!

What’s the big deal?

Are you sure we should be this friendly to the competition?
Like I get that we shouldn’t be rude or anything, but we are at a real threat of being eliminated now!
We need to get serious!

Don’t worry so much about it Bomber, we got this!
Plus, c’mon, we’re here to have fun!
What’s the point of winning if we don’t enjoy doing it?

Yeah, but...

Look, do you really think he’ll be much of a threat?

Wahahoo!

Fair point.
Alright, yeah, I can lighten up.
Let’s not forget about the competition, though!
We gotta win this thing.

Of course, now let’s go give the guy a hand, he doesn’t seem to be doin’ too hot against that enemy.

Pfft, yeah.
What was I worrying about anyways?

Yeah!

Why thank you, kind gentlemen.
Even my wondrous voice couldn’t soothe the evil being chasing my good friend.

Don’t worry about it, and uh, is it too late to ask for a soda?

It’s never too late for a 7up!

Yeah!

Hey, Chaze.

What’s up?

Was the sky always this gray?

Probably.

No seriously, look outside.

Huh.

Now that I think about it, I could’ve sworn I saw some guy with long hair flying.
He looked pretty menacing...

Was his hair light gray, and did he have long bangs?

I think so, but I wasn’t able to get a good lo-

I have to go.

...What’s his problem?

Escaping to this realm wasn’t easy, but I made it.
And now that I’m getting a good look at this island…
I am absolutely appalled!
There’s so many fast food “restaurants” everywhere!
Hamburgers, pizza, whatever “Subway” is, it’s sickening!
Why is it that everywhere I go there’s no taste in food anywhere?!
Tch. There’s no doubt about it, this is Kebako’s fault!

Speaking of Kebako, it’s about time I serve a second helping of revenge!

Ms. Kebako, please turn around!

No way!
Once I turn around there’s going to be nothing there, and then you guys are gonna throw a custard pie at me and be like “Haha! Made you look!” And then I’m gonna eat the pie because, joke’s on you, I love custard!
And I know a trick when I see one!

We’ve never even done that, and we don’t even have a pie!

Then why did you even tell me?!

Kebako, This isn’t a trick!
You have to believe us!

Yes, you should listen to your friends.

It’s been a while, Kebako!
A while since you insulted my cooking and sent me to rot in prison!
And now that I’ve escaped, I have returned to-

Gunther Crossbones!

What?!

Kebako, wrong person.

You sure?
He has the whole chef’s hat and everything!

Gunnar was a rockstar, not a chef.

After everything I’ve done for you, and everything you did to me, you don’t even remember me?!
AGAIN?!

Maybe if you gave me a chance to think instead of yelling at me, I would!

No!
I demand you to listen to me!
Once I’m finished with you, you’ll have no choice but to remember the name of the man who defeated you on this filthy island!
Your former teacher of the culinary arts-

Angelcake Jones!

NO!
My name is-

I’m sorry, do I know you?

You killed one of my closest friends!

What kind of person do you take me for?!
I’m a chef, not a murderer!

Don’t you lie to me, Sephiroth!

How many times do I have to keep saying this?!
THAT’S NOT MY NAME!

Yeah!
His name’s Angelcake Jones, dummy!

That’s not even remotely close!
IT’S CHEFINOFF!

I won’t allow you to- wait what?

Oh.
My mistake.
I thought you were someone else.

Wait a second, that visor!
You work for that “Subway” organization, don’t you!

Yep!
We’ve got the freshest sub sandwiches around!

Aw man, now I want Subway...

Just as I thought.
You’re a no-good fast food employee!

Ok, that was uncalled for.
What’s your problem?

My “problem” is that I strive to make the finest cuisine in the entire galaxy, but they reject it!
Then they indulge themselves in your hideous, greasy, disgusting excuse of cuisine you call fast food!

Still better than the junk you make.

...You know what?
I’m not going to dignify that with a response.

Actually, when compared to most fast food chains, Subway is one of the healthier o-

I don’t want to hear it!
Especially not from an insolent fast food worker.

...

Uh, what are you doing?

Give me a moment.

Now then, Kebako!
You’ve besmirched my name for the last time!

Do we have to do this now?
I was just about to get lunch.

Oh, you’ll get your lunch alright.
I’ve prepared a special full course meal just for you, Kebako.
One filled with bitter and cold revenge!

I meant eatable lunch!

Edible.

Exactly!

I’m afraid you don’t have a say in the matter, Kebako.
Now prepare your palette, because this meal will be your la-

Holy shit, it’s Sephiroth!

MY NAME.
IS NOT.
SEPHIR-

Wh-

You may have gotten the jump on me, but it takes more than that to defeat the grrreat Chefino-

Sorry to cut this meeting short.

I guess it’s over.
That felt a little anticlimactic...

Hey, if it means less work for me I’m all for it!
SQUIDDIE!

Whew, I’m famished!
Do you guys think there’s a fried chicken place on this island?
I really want fried chicken now!

Wait, didn’t you want Subway?

Considering that none of the contestants here represent a fried chicken place, probably not.

You never know until you try!
C’mon!

OK!

Y-yes, ma'am!

Well, suit yourselves.
I gotta get back to my shift.

Thanks for the help, Sword Guy!

Pretty sure his name’s Cloud.

Eh, potato tomato.
Ooooh, we should get french fries too!

Why, what are you doing hiding out here, dearie?
You could get hit by a golf ball in a position like that.

aaaaa!

Aw, you’re a cute little kitty!
What’s your name?

N- Neneko.
Is my name.

Well, hello there Neneko!
Would you want to play golf with us?

YEAH!
FINALLY SOMEONE WE CAN BEAT!
MOM HAS BEEN BEATING US SENSELESS ALL DAY!

Speak for yourself, Billy.
I’m holding my own just fine.

Showoff.

Now, now, kids.
Don’t start fighting in front of your new friend.

W-We’re friends now?

I mean, sure!
I don’t see why not!

T-Thank you.

Anywho dearie, do you want to play golf with us?

Um...
A-actually I got kinda lost and I need to find my friends.
I would love to golf with you some other time, though!

Oh, why didn’t you say so, dearie!
Can you go tell the nice shopkeep that owns the course that we needed to leave, Billy?

Awww, but he creeps me out. Sarah, you do it.

Ugh, fine I’ll go with you, you’re such a baby.

AM NOT!

Am too.
Anyways, we’ll just walk home after, see you in a bit mom.

See you later, dearies.
Also, don’t be so hard on your brother, Sarah.

Whatever, mom.

Well then, let’s go look for your friends now, dearie!
Where do you think that they would be off to?

Um...
Uh...
I’m not sure…

Are you little Neneko here’s friend?

No.

Then who are you?

I am the Monocritic.

Well then, can you please get out of our way?

No.

T-that guy was weird...

You can say that again, dearie.

So what do your friends look like, exactly?

Well, they’re c-cats.

Hmm.
Cats.
AHA!
RIGHT HERE!
THIS IS YOUR FRIEND!

Would you please let go of my head.

T-that isn’t my friend…

Oh, I see.
I’m very sorry, dearie.

Whatever.

NENEKO!
YOU WERE GONE FOR A WHILE!
WHERE DID YOU WANDER OFF TO?

...s-sorry.

Who’s this woman you brought along with you?
She’s almost as cute as you two!

Why thank you, dearie!
You look quite colorful yourself!

Well that’s crazy, because I think you’re cute as well!